The Fountain

  There are questions that belong to the living and questions that belong to the heart. They're not always the same. The living asks practical things. Who'll make the coffee? Who knows where the insurance papers are? Who remembers the name of that restaurant we loved on the coast? The heart asks only one question, over and over, until the years themselves grow tired of hearing it. How am I supposed to do this without you? It arrives in the grocery store when you reach for two of something instead of one. It sits beside you in the car where no one is sitting. It follows you into the house at dusk, when the rooms remember footsteps better than they remember silence. No one teaches you the answer because no one can. Everyone who has loved deeply must discover it alone. At first, you think the answer must be courage. Then you think it must be faith. Later, you believe it is simply endurance, the quiet discipline of putting one foot in front of the other while carrying an absence ...

The photograph was never supposed to outlive the people who ordered it taken. It was made as a record, another number, a prisoner, a child swallowed by a machine built to forget that children were children. Yet there she remains. Fourteen years old. Her hair hastily brushed back. A bruise darkening her lip where cruelty had left its fingerprint only moments before. Her eyes are the first thing anyone notices. They don't accuse or plead. They search. And seem to be looking for someone who ought to be there, a mother who had already been taken from her, a familiar voice speaking Polish instead of German, a world that still made sense. Every generation since has looked back into those eyes and found itself unable to look away. Before the striped uniform and the number stitched to cloth and the camera clicked inside Auschwitz, she had been only a little girl in Poland. She would have known mornings scented with bread and wood smoke, fields where summer insects stitched invisible songs ...

  The well sat in the throat of the woods where the birches grew thick and white. It was old stone, grey and bitten by frost, holding its breath beneath a canopy of choking ivy. For forty years, the bucket had not moved. The rope had rotted into a black dust that smelled of ancient rains and dead beetles. There was no wind down in the dark of it, only the heavy, cold scent of deep water that had forgotten the sky. It stayed there, a blunt cylinder of rock, waiting for a hand that never came. But October arrived like a circus train, spilling crimson fire and the scent of burnt popcorn across the hills. The well felt the change in its cold bones; it remembered when children ran through the timber, their pockets heavy with copper promises. A single leaf, dried to a crisp autumn gold, detached itself from an oak and spiraled down into the dark. It drifted past sixty feet of mossy silence, a tiny parachute of dying summer, until it touched the black mirror below. Click. The water shive...

The road home was longer than he remembered. Not because the miles had changed, but because regret weighs more than distance. Dust rose around his sandals as he walked beneath a hard afternoon sun. His clothes hung loose on him now. The fine robes were gone. The easy laughter of false friends was gone. The coins that had once filled his purse had scattered into taverns and poor decisions and empty promises. He carried nothing back except hunger and the memory of a father he had wounded. Along the road he rehearsed the words. Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. He planned to ask for work. A servant's place would be enough. A corner in the barn. A chance to earn what he had thrown away. The speech became a prayer. The prayer became a burden. Still, he walked. Far ahead, where the road curved through the fields, another figure stood waiting. The old man had spent many evenings there. The servants knew not to call him insi...

The pool looked larger than it really was. It sat behind the community center, beneath a sky so blue it seemed painted there on purpose. The water flashed in the sunlight, throwing pieces of brightness onto the concrete deck. The boy stood at the edge in swim trunks that still felt strange against his skin. Around him, older children leaped and splashed and disappeared beneath the surface as though water were simply another kind of air. He wished he understood how they did it. The deep end seemed as distant and mysterious as another country. His mother sat beneath a striped umbrella reading a book she rarely turned the pages of, watching him over the top of it with the quiet attention mothers carry everywhere. "You'll get there," she said when he looked back at her. The words drifted across the water and settled somewhere inside him. The swimming instructor was patient. He wore a whistle and sun-faded sunglasses and spoke as if there were no hurry at all. First came float...

There was a house at the end of the street where the curtains were always half-drawn and the porch sagged slightly toward the earth, as if it were listening for something beneath the soil. Everyone knew it as the last house with too many cats. Twenty. Thirty. No one had ever counted. The cats appeared in windows, on porch rails, beneath azalea bushes, and sometimes on the roof itself, sitting in a row like small judges considering the affairs of mankind. Children slowed their bicycles when they passed. Adults smiled and shook their heads. The house belonged to an old woman named Margaret, who had long ago stopped explaining where the cats came from. The truth was that she had not gone looking for them. They arrived the way lonely things often do. One appeared after her husband died. Another came during a winter storm. A third followed her home from the grocery store as though it had been invited. Years passed. Friends moved away or passed on. Neighbors changed. Storefronts changed. Eve...