Time and Friendship

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I was mildly startled recently to realize that I have been friends with Peter Bowden for almost four decades. Much could be said about the value of that friendship to me, from the early days of high school and college—sharing long conversations that helped prod and shape our thinking, helped us begin to discover who we were and to contemplate who we wanted to be—right up to this day—when, although far too brief and sparsely scattered, our visits always help me to re-orient and re-think what is most meaningful and valuable in my life.


When we were in Phenix City for Thanksgiving a few weeks ago, my younger daughter, Sarah (now 24), asked if we were going to get together with Peter and Valerie at Christmas, and if so, she didn't want to miss it. I suppose I had assumed that our annual visit was just another example of things children tolerate as they are obligated to tag along wherever their parents go. (I’m quite sure that our daughters could quickly name several examples of such tolerations.) I hadn’t realized that our visits had become an important seasonal tradition for her. Without intentionality and without my even being aware of it, she had learned to value something and someone that I value.


It’s an encouraging (and sobering) realization. Most of the things my children have learned from me have probably been incidental rather than intentional. Perhaps I need to be more intentional, or perhaps I need to be more attentive of the incidentals. Either way, I am grateful for opportunities to have my children spend time with my friends. One of the best things I can give my children is exposure to good people. And as far as I’m concerned, Peter is one of the best.

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